Dr. Gonzo's picture
Dr. Gonzo from Manchester, UK is reading Blood Meridian October 5, 2011 - 11:48am

Title says it.  I'll start with my favourite, Bret Easton Ellis.

1, Filtering.  I love Ellis's style, but if there's one thing that drags me out of the moment is his filtering.  I think, I see, I notice ...  I just feel it isn't needed.  I know, it's stylistic choice and probably lends itself more to historic present, but still.  Like anything, in moderation it's fine, but I was reading through a few scenes of Imperial Bedrooms the other night and noticed it a lot.

2, Write faster, mothafuckah.

3, I get it, you've spent a lot of time around rich people.  Maybe write something where they're still drinking belvederes on their balconies, but this time you're looking up at them from the gutter.  I'd love Ellis to write a hobo story.  Could even be the guy who did a runner in Psycho, left his life and all his stuff, eats leftover Big Macs, shits his pants.  Maybe not, just something different.

Bet I don't get another achievement for my second topic.  :(

That was my first choice and it's only because I pay a lot of attention to his work.  I'll let others have a go before I pick the fuck out of someone else.

Brandon's picture
Brandon from KCMO is reading Made to Break October 5, 2011 - 11:52am

Jeffery Eugenides

1.) Write faster.

2.) Release something contemporary that doesn't take place in Michigan.

3.) Stop wearing vests.  I'll give you some blazers if you need me to.

.'s picture
. October 5, 2011 - 12:04pm


Hemingway...don't kill yourself :(

Don't be so misogynic.

Don't drink so much.


Brandon's picture
Brandon from KCMO is reading Made to Break October 5, 2011 - 11:57am

Hey, that's not three things.

Chorlie's picture
Chorlie from Philadelphia, PA is reading The Rules of the Tunnel October 5, 2011 - 12:03pm


  1. Changing the story structure.
  2. More exposition.
  3. Repetitive genres.
Charles's picture
Charles from Portland is reading Mongrels by Stephen Graham Jones October 5, 2011 - 12:06pm


-your old voice was better, dude.

-less shock for shock sake

-slow down.

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 October 6, 2011 - 2:53pm

Jerome David Salinger 

1. Be alive.
2. Don't become a recluse.
3. Don't trust your unpublished work with your worthless family members.
4. Put it in your will that your fans should murder people selling your personal notes and toilet on Ebay.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. October 6, 2011 - 3:08pm

Oh wow. You guys are so right on.

Stephen king

1. Enough with maine as your setting and referring to your previous works in each new story. Create a new universe dude!
2. Stop with all the pop culture references, they are dating your work.
3. Try editing your work. Not every novel needs to be 800 to 1000 pages long. Sometimes less is more. Publishers need to stop kissing his ass.

BenevolentForce's picture
BenevolentForce from Los Angeles is reading 1Q84 October 18, 2011 - 12:00am

Feels like blasphemy even saying it, but...

Murakami Haruki
1. Ditch the increasingly westernized main character ennui.
2. Fewer subterranean themes, please.
3. It's OK to be profound without dressing it up in pop culture to make it relatable.